I Can't Believe I am Still Here (Today)

It’s late at night and instead of sitting in bed, I’d rather sit up for a few minutes and jot down the thoughts that are keeping me awake and are on my mind.  Some of it is around work, some of it is around finances, some of it is around choices I’ve made or comparisons with others, but all of it are of times in my past that cast shade on me now, and how I see my life.  Some of it has to do with what will happen in the future and which choices I will make based on the factors that I think will happen.  

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This is kinda crazy, right?  It’s not about the here, the now, the people I am with right now, but it is about others and what I think they will think of me, of how I will look, and how I expect that will make me feel.  And for the most part, I start feeling how I think I will feel after all those things happen.  I guess that really is crazy! I am feeling the shame or guilt that I expect others might cast on me if a bunch of hypothetical things were to happen and I was in front of people, or they were talking about me.  How important I must be – I must be a celebrity!

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So instead of living my life right now and being concerned with, or better yet enjoying the friends family and challenges I have right now, I am worried about how people might think about me, which of course is negative.  Instead of people who like me, or love me, and care about me – the way I do them…and want the best for me. I have defaulted to this most negative view, and I am not sure why because this view does not serve me — It only seems to drive emotions of fear and negative perceptions and outcomes.

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But…if I come from a place of love, from a view of love, from a place of appreciating and being grateful for the people in my life — and treating them with love, affection, appreciation and gratitude, then I’ll get that all in return. You’ve heard the expression you get back what you put in.  Going back to the Kairos letter I wrote for a family friend where I told him, “if you treat the world with kindness, you will receive kindness in return.”

Well, I have been thinking, mostly at night, that others are casting shade on me. So I act like this is true – by not reaching out, by not wishing them well and keeping them active in my life — except for the times when my life is going well, and I have a good moment to be proud of, or to share, such as on social media.  

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So the best way, the most positive way to move forward and to live each day through the path of love, for yourself, for what you are grateful, for your challenges, and for the wonderful people in your life.  They are a gift and they will love it when you wish them well.  And they will radiate that love back to you!

It’s your life, and I believe you make the best decisions in your life that you can, at the time when you have the choice to make them.  And in your life you come across many gems, people who are bright spots in your life, in so many ways, along your path.  Embrace and appreciate the gems in your life!  Tell them, reach out to them, when you think of them – send them a note or a text, or a call, just to wish them well, or just to say you are thinking about them.

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By the way, they likely gave you kudos on you last post – so take that as an entry point to the conversation!  But you don’t need the entry — the more out of the blue, the better!  Just let them know what they have meant to you in your life.  It’s your life, and it is not ruled by what others might think about you!  It’s your life and you need to take it back and make it the best life you can – and not wait for life to get good for you to do that!  It doesn’t matter!  Celebrate those you love and appreciate them now and often! Have that dinner party.  Make those lunch dates. Reach out and touch someone.  And be real.  Be yourself.  Because that’s when you liked them in the first place – as you were.

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Make lemonade!  Even at 5am – as it is getting light here. Reach out every day. 

GPV